As we have begun to share with others our journey of adoption, we notice there are usually lots of questions after the announcement. We love it because we love talking about adoption! As many of you haven’t had the chance to ask all your questions, or maybe didn’t feel brave enough to ask some of them, we decided to do a Q&A of frequently asked questions. After listing out all the questions, I decided this would be a two part entry – so here is part one.
What age / boy or girl? We have requested either a boy or girl 0 – 12 months
How long will it take? We have no idea! We are guessing anywhere between 6 – 12 months, but it could be shorter or longer. Once we accept our “referral”, which is when you get a picture and background information on your child, it will take approximately 2-3 months before we can pick them up. Waiting is one of the most difficult parts; however we are trying to learn to enjoy the excitement of the anticipation that comes in this season.
Will you have biological children? My first and fast response to this question is, “we are taking it one child at a time.” Many times this question is really asking – can you have biological children? For us, the answer is, we don’t know. We don’t know one way or another. For many, adoption occurs after you have had biological children or occurs when you cannot have biological children. Because this is our first child, many assume we cannot have biological children. We have decided to start our family through adoption. We are blessed that we married so young, so the race against the biological clock isn’t as much of an issue for us, as it is for so many and is a reason many wait till later in life to adopt. Some may see adoption as a backup plan if you cannot have biological children and may not understand our choice to adopt. We also understand God has not called everyone to adopt. I know there are unique, special and precious aspects of the road to parenthood, whether through pregnancy or adoption. Right now, God has called us on the journey of adoption and feel so blessed. Every child is a gift from God.
Why Congo? When we began researching adoption, we first just looked to see what countries were available to us. Different countries have different restrictions depending on your age, how long you have been married and many other factors. The only real explanation for why we chose Congo would be that God lead us to it. Many, even in the adoption community, can get into battles or strong opinions of international vs. domestic and if international, which countries are “best” or more “noble.” All orphans need loving homes and parents – regardless of what country they are born in. International adoption has always been on our heart, probably because we have spent time with orphans in Haiti. I don’t believe one is better than the other, all are needed. Therefore the decision has to be based on many different circumstances and ultimately where you feel led.
Are you concerned with special needs, illness, under development or attachment issues? Of course this is a concern for any parent, and there is no guarantee that a biological child would be free from any illness or developmental needs. With that said, children are tested and screened for illnesses (including HIV) as best as possible, and we will have to pray over both the known and unknown issues that may come up. Today, the vast majority (over 75%) of children born to HIV positive mothers do not have the disease.
We have not requested a special needs child as we will be first-time parents. Typically children who grow up in community care average about one month underdeveloped for every three months spent in an orphanage. We understand there will be added challenges for any child that comes from an orphanage, but we know we have an amazing support system through our family, friends and church.
What color will the baby room be? We are going gender neutral with green and brown (I know, sounds more like boy colors, but don’t worry we’ll have plenty of frill and flowers if it’s a girl). We are just too anxious to start setting it up to wait till the referral – so this summer we’ll post pictures.
In part two, we will answer questions above travel, baby names, being a multi-racial family and more.
